Finally. The hack to saying no successfully.
Zoë Foster Blake on the genius line we all need in life, the beauty product that 'took 5 years off' our CEO's skin, the best energy-boosting tips, and a viral screen kiss. Welcome to MID-spo.
In the past nine months, in my own life, two things have happened.
The first is that I've had a baby. A daughter whose gummy smile and fine, unruly hair elicits something in me that I didn't know was there.
The second, which sounds a little silly, and is something I'm sure a lot of people are able to discover without experiencing parenthood, is that I've realised time is finite.
It's not like I didn't logically know this. Of course, I did. Every now and then, in the early hours of the morning, I'd get a pang of anxiety about my own mortality and the time I had wasted, was wasting, that I'd never get back.
But there's something about watching a human who didn't exist before, who didn't smile and then one day did, who needed only milk and then discovered the sweetness of yoghurt, and now hungrily face-plants into bowls of oats and pasta and meatballs, that makes you notice that time is passing. That your newborn and your five-month-old aren't here anymore, that your baby won't always be a baby, that you can't do everything you've ever wished to do. That you have to choose.
In some very immature, probably pathological, magical-thinking part of my brain, I genuinely thought I could live every version of my life. That I'd be a millionaire, that I'd exist off-grid, that I'd be a writer and a teacher and a doctor and a researcher and a psychologist, that I'd live in Paris and New York and Bangkok and Alice Springs. Nevermind how. It didn't matter because there was no time limit, there were infinite parallel universes - realities I had access to, whenever I wanted.
Except there aren't. There's one. And, as much as you're able to - if you believe in free will and not determinism - you have to choose it.
Choosing what that life looks like, much to my horror, involves saying no.
This is where author and entrepreneur, Zoë Foster Blake, comes in. Strangely, she was the first person I thought of when I had this revelation. I remembered reading (here, if you're curious) that in order to decide whether to do something, she rates it from one to 10, in terms of how much she wants to do it. But, the exercise comes with a footnote: you can't give anything a seven. Without the neutrality of a seven, you're forced to give a six (a likely no) or an eight (a likely yes).
The advice, as is the case with most tips for living a more satisfying, effective life, carries particular weight because of the person giving it. Foster Blake is the founder and owner of Go-To Skincare - a company valued last year at $177 million. She's also the author of five novels (including Things Will Calm Down Soon, released next week), three non-fiction books, and eight children's books. She has, I would assume, made several years’ worth of invisible, quiet decisions - ones that built an internationally beloved business, ones that put evocative words on thousands of pages, and ones that were uncomfortable and hard and sometimes, probably often, involved saying no.
I recently sat down with Foster Blake to interview her for my podcast, But Are You Happy? I'll leave the answer to that particular question in the necessary context of the full conversation, but within the framework of talking about joy and creativity and meaning and purpose, I asked about saying no…
🎧 Follow below to hear Clare Stephens’ conversation with Zoë Foster Blake, a self-described perfectionist, who shares what she’s learned about embracing failure, recognising when she needs space to recharge, and the interviews and events she chooses not to do.
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HOLLY WAINWRIGHT: ‘A very honest guide to working with midlife women.’
No, we don't have scales under our clothes.
Yes, we are — sometimes — a little short-tempered.
Yes, we understand the Internet.
No, we don't understand why it's not okay to say "LOL" out loud.
Yes, we are wise and experienced and unflappable.
And yes, we are quite tired.
This is your helpful guide to working with, for and around grown-up women, as I like to call everyone over 40. And if you do, or if you are one of those women, you are lucky, lucky ducks. Because we are excellent, if I say so myself.
The thing is. We are excellent, but we are also going through some stuff. I know, isn't everyone? But one of the factors that makes working through the peri and menopause years particularly hard is that a) It goes on for a long time, often literally years and b) It's still difficult to talk about, despite our very best efforts, Generation X has not yet made being menopausal cool. We're still working on it…
🎧 Follow below to hear Holly discuss grown-up dating with Cathrine Mahoney who’s been post-divorce dating for a decade. Turns out midlife dating is a bit like the middle aisle at Aldi — full of surprises, a few hidden gems and a whole lot of sh*t you don't need.
Read, watch and listen to more:
Demi & Sienna & Cate: The contradiction of midlife style icons.
Concealers for midlife under eyes. Spendy, savey and mid.
LISTEN: Vicki Condon turned a midlife crisis into her life purpose.
You’re not imagining it. Everyone’s in a slump right now. Here are 7 ways to combat it.
Let's face it — it's that time of the year when we're feeling like we've run out of everything in the tank.
So if you've been feeling like you're running on empty lately (pun intended), you're not alone. For those of us who aren't in Europe, it seems like everyone's energy levels are on the decline. Fatigue from the beginning of the year, shifting routines, and a general "blah" feeling in the air can leave us all feeling a bit, well... meh.
While it's totally normal to experience energy slumps, especially during seasonal changes, you might be surprised to learn that some of your daily habits could be secretly sapping your energy without you even realising it. From that "harmless" afternoon coffee to your weekend sleep patterns, plenty of habits that are draining your energy might be lurking in your routine.
But fear not. We've got your back with a round-up of easy and practical hacks to help you reclaim your energy. So let's dive into some energy-boosting tricks:
1. Up your magnesium intake.
When it comes to reducing tiredness and fatigue, it can be worth looking at what you're consuming to ensure it's full of energy-boosting vitamins. Enter: magnesium, which is known to improve both your mood and sleep as well as overall exercise performance and blood sugar regulation…
🎧 Follow below to hear the Out Loud crew unpack exactly how to get more sleep so you feel rested and ready to roll.
Read, watch and listen to more:
I’m exhausted all the time. How can I get my energy back?
What’s your self-care routine for low-energy days? 24 women weigh in.
You’re not lazy. You just don’t know your energy type.
THE SCROLL 📱
5 ways to feed your mind, heart and soul.
1. Friends: A Deleted Scene & Very Weird Sex Stuff
2. The ultimate list of cheat codes that will make your life easier.
3. Ada Nicodemou is in love again. Her way.
4. 'I've been using box dye for 10 years. These are the 7 tricks I use.'
5. ‘The family holiday that’s actually a holiday.’
ICYMI 👀
Does anybody know how to behave anymore? Here’s Mamamia’s helpful Modern Etiquette guide. An extract from Melania Trump’s upcoming memoir proves it’s going to be explosive. Weekend Watch: This new true crime series is unlike anything you’ve seen before. When did the Beckhams become Team William? So, camel toes are in fashion now… and they have a new name.
MID-spo style & beauty roundup 👗💄
With summer just around the corner, here’s our pick of the latest trends popping up everywhere. Might be time for a little treat…
The best brown handbags for summer.
‘It took five years off my skin.’ The beauty products we love.
The summer’s ‘It’ dress has landed. Not everyone’s happy.
15 flattering one-pieces you’ll want to wear all the time.
The ‘flippy bob’ haircut you’re about to see everywhere.
Nobody wants this, do they?
Literally no reason to drop this clip of the first kiss between Hot Rabbi Noah (Adam Brody) and Joanne (Kristen Bell) on Nobody Wants This other than we are bound to revisit the series everyone’s talking about. And because his hand placement on her face is everything.