Finding joy in a pile of shift.
From understanding the moment when everything changes, to the woman whose kids fired her as their mum, to six viral fashion trends made wearable. Welcome to your weekly dose of MID-spo.
Your children were tiny and now they’re not.
Let’s call it The Shift. It’s as stark as the moment you can no longer read the small print, and as subtle as the slow creep of crepey lines where your cute dimples used to hang out.
The Shift can be joyful.
There’s such pride in seeing someone you’ve cared for so long learning how to care for you. In little ways, a cup of tea, a synced iPhone, and big ways, a mental load lifted, a solid force beside you as you weather bad news. It’s heart-filling seeing the tide flowing both ways on a caring stream that was, for the longest time, only running in one direction.
You giving, them growing big and warm on all that love you’ve funnelled their way.
Understanding the lasts you didn’t know were lasts really are moments that will never repeat.
A sure-footed walk with your dad. A long-spirited row with your mum. An unselfconscious little hand slipped into yours on the street.
Takes a minute. We have to figure out what to do with our hands and our hearts. Now our job descriptions have changed.
Parenting your parents is a whole new skill that requires diplomacy and patience and a deep understanding that no one ever wants to see themselves as helpless. Watching kids who are no longer kids make childish choices and holding your tongue. Realising that you’re now seen as office mum, even if you’re not anyone’s bloody mum.
There’s solidarity in The Shift. Support can be found in sister friends all around. And then there’s loneliness too, when the cacophony of family chaos fades into a quiet Friday night.
Maybe you’re there, maybe you’re not. MID women are the rebels who threw scripts out and had kids early, late, not at all, who moved far from families to carve our own paths, who pushed back on default caring roles that left us feeling exploited and lent into ones that made us feel privileged and full.
Kylie Gillies is in the middle of The Shift.
Recently, Gillies, in Australian living rooms as co-host of The Morning Show for the past 17 years, found an old notebook from when her two boys were little. When she opened the pages, she burst into tears.
“At that time, I would have to be getting up for work very early for the show. We were lucky enough to have a nanny that would come from around 7am to midday. We had a book that would sit on the kitchen bench and I would write in all the details to tell the nanny,” Gillies tells Mamamia's MID podcast.
“It said stuff like, ‘Gus has a sports carnival today. The green t-shirt I washed last night is hanging up in the laundry. He will need cut-up oranges. You'll find the oranges in the bottom of the crisper. Please cut the oranges into eighths.’
“Here I was, this crazy woman hanging on so tightly. I could feel the tension in the pages. But at the time it felt like the be-all-and-end-all if this 10-year-old boy didn't wear his green t-shirt to his sports carnival.”
Right now, Gillies' sons — who are 21 and 19 — are forging their own paths. She says it's been a major adjustment.
“I'm slowly figuring it out. You feel like you're going insane, you feel clingy and needy. I do think I hold on too tight.”
Gillies says that she also started to have “a very mid-life experience”…
🎧 Follow below to hear Holly chatting with Kylie Gillies about when kids grow up, much-loved parents need more care, careers can be reflected upon and it’s time to work out what’s next.
'I was never sure why our friendship ended. Until now.’
Just when you thought that you’d left any kind of friendship drama behind in the school playground, there comes a blip. Out of the blue, it blindsides. The pain it causes, acute.
The cloak of comfort your friends wrap you in on a daily basis, built on all the trust, all the belly laughs and all the tears over all the years is ripped away leaving your mind whirring and your soul adrift.
The ructions can rumble on for days, if not weeks. Sometimes forever.
Hasty words, hidden meanings made and looked for, dots joined where no dots existed, a spat in the group chat, a splinter group formed on the down low and hurt feelings all around when the ‘secret’ chat becomes common knowledge.
A stone is thrown in the pool of friendship and the ripples grow ever wider as the days roll by.
Because no matter how old we are, no matter how confident we may outwardly appear, and no matter how we’ve managed to make it this far, holding it all together (mostly), the pain of a friendship rupture can sting like a papercut but score like a knife.
It’s something Mamamia writer Em Vernem has experienced.
“I classified Carly* as one of my very best friends. We hung out at each other's houses, we'd go to brunch together, we were in the same friendship group,” Em writes.
But Carly had a way of making Em feel uncomfortable.
“I've always been very self-deprecating. I leaned into my insecurities because I thought that if I said them out loud, it would take the power away from people saying them behind my back.
“However, Carly* would use my comments as a tool to dig into my insecurities even more.”
Close to 10 years since Em and Carly first became friends, they’re no longer in each other’s lives. And until recently, Em never really understood what happened. Until, that is, she came across this explanation…
The loneliness of waiting for a man to grow some balls.
Falling deep in love with Dan* was a revelation. I had always believed that love was supposed to be transformative, the kind that sweeps you off your feet and leaves you breathless.
Dan was that and more. Never had I been touched the way he did, every caress sending shivers down my spine. His words were like honey, sweet and soothing, addressing me in ways that made my heart flutter and mind tick.
Our communication was deep and personal, almost telepathic, as if we were two halves of the same soul. The chemistry between us was out of this world. I had longed for this kind of connection and refused to settle until I found it. And in Dan, I believed I had found my great love.
For eight years, I woke up to his 'good morning' messages. Every single day, without fail, he reminded me of how special I was to him. Dan made me feel alive, like I was the centre of his universe.
When he had to move to another state for work, my feelings didn't dampen. But to my deep disappointment, he started to back off.
As time went on, life took us in different directions. I found myself moving toward another man, while Dan gravitated toward another woman, things between us ending quite naturally.
But our daily contact never ceased and even though I'd technically moved on, I still had very strong feelings for him. I secretly hoped one day he would come back to me.
A year passed, and then one day, Dan appeared at my work. It was a rough time in my relationship, and seeing him felt like a lifeline. The chemistry between us exploded like fireworks, as if no time had passed since we last saw each other.
From that point on, we continued to see each other on his fortnightly visits. Initially, I couldn't bring myself to cheat, holding on to the remnants of my moral compass. But eventually, I did.
It happened on my birthday. My partner hadn't made any effort to make me feel special, but as always Dan did.
After we reconnected physically, Dan told me he wanted to be with me forever. Still, he made no moves to end his current relationship, I just hoped he would every day.
Our affair continued for years, filled with secret dates, early morning walks, day trips, lunches, simplicity of watching TV and countless passionate moments. We lived in our bubble of love and desire. When not physically together, we were always in touch, planning our next rendez-vous.
But reality has a way of crashing down…
🎧 Keep the conversation going by following below and make sure you never miss out on an episode of Mamamia Out Loud — opinions, laughs and the things we’re all talking about.
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6 viral fashion trends made wearable.
We're in an era of fashion experimentation, and there are some seriously wild looks doing the rounds on social media right now. It seems like every day a new style movement is racking up views, going viral and hitting the shops (or your ‘sponsored’ shopping feed) at lightning speed.
But just because TikTok might make it seem like everyone is wearing the latest ‘ugly shoe’, it doesn't mean you have to. From capri pants to ultra low-rise skirts to bags that are bigger than you, we’ve taken six viral trends you can either choose to yes, embrace or perhaps avoid, plus our pick of ultra-wearable alternatives...
🎧Follow below to hear all the latest style inspo and expert fashion advice from the ever-stylish Leigh Campbell on Nothing To Wear? This week: The magic of thrift shopping from an op-shop addict.
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